Change

It's everywhere in my life right now.
Today I asked God why the things in my life were happening and He brought me back to the moment when I found out how much I wanted and needed Him more than anything else. This moment was when I chose to place Him as Lord and Savior of my life. When I realized how everlasting and withstanding His love is over anything and everything else.
And, well, I'm taking that as my answer from God. I know I need God more than anything else in the world, but have I made God feel that way? Does He really feel like He's the most important thing by what my life reflects? When I ask myself that, I know I've done a terrible job.
But why the wonderful relationship and the healing it brought me from the terrible past relationship I was in? "Exactly, Rachael. You needed something wonderful to remind you of what I can do. And that I Am the only one who can bring you healing." That's the response I hear from God. Does this mean the road I'm on right now is going to be wonderful and easy from here on out? I don't think so, not if I do it on my own.
I read the book Dear John recently although it probably wasn't the greatest choice at the time. Savannah and John meet and fall in love in 2 weeks. Not just summer love, but a love that lasts in their hearts forever.But he's in the army and has to leave. And then leave again. After reading this book I became scared (and still am a little) that I would end up like Savannah. She tried to replace John by marrying someone other than him, but for the rest of her life she gives a small dose of the love she has to give to her husband but still gives so much more to John in her thoughts, in her soul.
But after much deliberation with myself, I realized that, once again, I was placing the image I have of the God of the Universe in the palm of my hand and He does not belong there... and He can't fit.
I love my best friend Brittney for this, and many more, reasons. She thinks like me. She worries like me. She's quiet like me. She doubts like me. We are constantly reminding each other to stop thinking or to stop placing God in a box. But we've both been burned in the past (not an excuse, but a statement that has left scars, which, have only made us stronger) and it has become the norm for the both of us. She has been such a positive and powerful force in my life because she will not let me settle. She will not let me sit around and wait for something to be fixed when God is waiting on me to listen to Him. Sometimes I've had the urge to just scream "but you dont understand!" but I won't. She understands.
This change I'm experiecing is taking some getting used to, but, at the same time, this is the change I needed. And, if this is the reason he came into my life, to show me how much I need God and how God's healing was the purpose of him, I'll [become] ok with that. I'm accepting it right now.

Day one of acceptance: check.

























Annabelle likes to help me do my homework...