Songs, people, and the bible say there are seasons to our lives. The seasons of the next year of my life will bring the brightest of colors and the coolest of temperatures.
The end of my summer brought a sweet boy back home to Texas and has also welcomed the beginning of the end of my college career and the end of my career as a leasing agent. I have moved into a new apartment; my own apartment which I share with Shane and Annabelle. It's different. I come home to silence, all the lights off, and occasionally Shane running down the stairs to greet me at the door. I'm not so sure I could call it home though. All of my belongings are in this apartment (some still in boxes) but it doesn't smell like I would want my home to smell. It doesn't feel like I would want my home to feel. This place could be my "home" for just the next year, which isn't very long, but I want it to feel like a bit of a sanctuary for me. I've only been here for less than a month, so I'm sure I'll make it home eventually.
It's hard to believe that my time in college is slowly coming to an end. And although it's hard to believe, I am very grateful for the end of all of it. I feel like I've been pushing and fighting my way to this point, and even though the pushing and fighting isn't over with yet, it's getting a little easier to breathe and a lot easier break free of what's been holding me here for the past 4 years. I have no clue of exactly where my degree is going to take me. Part me feels like my resume for the rest of my life is going to very eclectic. Not that I feel like I wont be able to hold on to a job, I just enjoy experiencing and learning new things. I want to work with children for the rest of my life and I never want to loose the ability to speak Spanish.
I want to create things as well and have people find interest in what I create. My Mom told me this past Christmas that all she wanted from me for Christmas was a picture I had taken. That meant a lot to me. I want to take moments that people want to keep forever and really allow them to keep them forever. I journal often (outside of this blog) and I fill my journal with all kinds of memories I want to reminisce on and share with others . Writing isn't the only way I fill the pages with memories either. I put movie ticket stubs or flower petals or scents or pictures on the pages too. Why? Because I want all of my senses to remember.
I gave my Gran and Gramps a picture of their dog this past Christmas as well. It was taken out in their backyard that summer. Penny, their dog, died earlier this year. Now, my Gran told me while holding back her emotions, that pictures means more to them than they could have imagined. They have a way to remember their dog forever now and their granddaughter who took it.
If there's anything I could use right now, it would be confidence in the path that has been set out for me. I trust it, but I don't trust myself. I struggle with the need to control this path, and I don't want to. I want to be lead. I don't want to lead.
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This is Penny
This is why I take pictures. This picture is a memory for my entire my family; the memory of my Papa holding his first Great Grandchild for the very first time.
