Sunday, January 25, 2009

Captivating

Well, I've finally picked up the book Captivating and I am enjoying it immensely. I can honestly tell you everything I've read has spoken to my heart in a special way and I haven't even started to read the chapter about God's healing. All I've read and have come to understand is the painful realization that I have been wounded, scarred, and chosen by satan to be constantly reminded of how worthless and sorry I am. Sounds pretty sucky so far, huh? It's been a breath of fresh air for my spirit.
I'd never thought these things through all the way. Things like how my character and personality are so easily molded just because I am a woman that satan so easily takes advantage of. I am gullible. I have felt lonely and still do have lonely days where satan has rubbed it in that I'm alone. I've had days where I do not feel beautiful, wanted, loved, valuable. I've had days where I've just felt shame. I felt as if these feelings were just a stage of my life that would pass once I got married and have a family of my own. Having those things would take away all the doubt I had in myself because those things would always make me feel complete/accomplished. I was wrong. These feelings are feelings I'll deal with for the rest of my life but Jesus always brings good news. He is the good news.

He, like me, wants to be loved, feel beautiful, wanted, valuable. He knows He is but there is so much more meaning when His creation says it to Him. This I never noticed: this great characteristic and desire of God in me. This realization makes satan so less powerful. Realizing God's gift in placing part of Himself in me gives off this "closer to God" feeling to me. To the point where I know satan can have no power over me - he can make me feel alone but there is no such thing as loneliness in my relationship with God. This my friends feels good. This puts a smile on my face and encourages me beyond belief. The friends and family I have will be there to say I'm here for you, we love you - but they will never know how much I need. How much I need to feel that everyday and experience. I realize that can be humanly impossible, which is fine since I now get this whole intimacy with God thing.
Oh intimacy -- you have been so dear to my heart lately. I've never felt intimacy with God like this before and it is lovely. Surrendering it all (and I mean it all - I haven't worried about anything in the past 2 days! This is huge for me. I'm the ultimate worrier) to the Lord to handle and realizing God has placed Himself in my heart/mind/soul in such a special and unique way so that I could only understand it is so intimate to me. I'm loving it and almost glutinous about it. Haha.

If you haven't felt important or special lately (to the ladies), I will leave you a taste of how Stasi and John point out God's unique love for you:

"It is nearing the end of the sixth day, the end of the Creator's great labor, as Adam steps forth, the image of God, the triumph of his work. He alone is pronounced the son of God. Nothing in creation even comes close. Picture Michelangelo's David. He is ... magnificent. Truly, the masterpiece seems complete. And yet, the Master says that something is not good, not right. Something is missing ... and that something is Eve."

"And the Lord God cast a deep slumber on the human, and he slept, and He took one of his ribs and closed over the flesh where it had been, and the Lord God built the rib he had taken from the human into a woman an He brought her to the human." Gen. 2:21-23 Alter.

She is the crescendo, the final, astonishing work of God. Woman. In one last flourish creation comes to a finish not with Adam, but with Eve. She is the Master's finishing touch. How we wish this were an illustrated book, and we could show you now some painting or sculpture that captures this. Like the stunning Greek sculpture of the goddess Nike or Samothrace, the winged beauty, just alighting on the prow of a great ship, her beautiful form revealed through the thin veils that sweep around her. Eve is ... breathtaking.
Given the way Creation unfolds, how it builds to ever higher and higher works of art, can there be any doubt that Eve is the crown of creation? Not an afterthought. Not a nice addition like an ornament on a tree. She is God's final touch, his piece de resistance. She fills a place in the world nothing and no one else can fill. Step to a window ladies, if you can. Better still, find some place with a view. Look out across the earth and say to yourselves, "The whole, vast world is incomplete without me. Creation reached its zenith in me."



Friday, January 2, 2009

I Want to be Chased

I want to be chased by all the right things. I feel I've been the chaser my whole life and now I want to be the chaseie. I don't want to go into tons of detail about this subject, but that's what's on my mind. I just know that God chases after me everyday and that makes me feel so loved and wanted. That might be every girls dream: to be chased. To have someone that never wants to loose sight of you. Someone that adores you. I know how to love, and I have loved. I'm built on love, by love, and for love. I love that God has made love a huge part of me. I have a big heart that cares a lot about a lot of things. I think it all started when I was younger and I wanted every stray pet I saw. Not just to have a cat, but to love it. All I wanted to do was pet it and give it a warm place to stay. I wrote this down one day: Everyone should know love. It's not something you have to earn or deserve. It's something you should know. It should be given out not bargained for. Love has no limits. I believe that, so much. That's why I love the way I do. No limits, no boundaries, no exceptions or expectations. That's how I want to be loved, how I want to be chased.

Here are some pics I took on my hike with Lisa.

















































































Strength and honor are her clothing; she shall rejoice in the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness. She watches over the ways of her household, and does no eat the bread of idleness.
Proverbs 31:25-27