I finally got my laptop! Ok, so I've had it for a while, it's just taken some time to sit down get back to this. I've missed it. There were times where I desperately needed to write so I broke out the old pen and paper. It's nice to have my own again.
My Fall semester has begun. I'm 3 weeks into it and I've enjoyed it more than past semesters. I'm now digging in to the classes for my major. This means I get to think, act, and talk like a child all day. Well, not literally, but in a couple of classes. Taking these classes makes me eager to get my carreer started. I need to be careful with this though because sometimes my desire to start my carreer becomes more important than other things and I lose sight of what's right in front of me. Atleast I know teaching is one of the desires of my heart.
I thought about this on Sunday at church - the desires of my heart. I've been told the Lord knows the desires of our hearts and if those desires are willed to us they will eventually happen. I thought about my desires and I'm so thankful the Lord knows them and has special days planned when he is going to bless me with them. God knows I love children. God knows I love the Spanish language. God knows I want a family of my own one day. God knows who I want my husband to be. And to know that He is the provider of my happiness, the one who will provide the happiness when the desires of my heart are fufilled , is so reassuring. I'm thankful He shows me love and mercy and kindness and justice and compassion. I'm thankful for the hard lessons I have learned and the young woman I have become because of them. I'm thankful for the rough summer he gave me. I'm thankful He assured me I had more experiences and growing up to do.
Remember what I said earlier this summer about growing up - I definitely did. It's a litte noticeable especially if you knew me in high school. I was easily walked on a made the middle man of many situations during that time. It was easy because I was stuck with the idea of my opinion not mattering. I've learned I do matter and I can make my own decisions without asking for approval. This is a big deal to me. I've never been that person. I've always just let things happen because I was too afraid to hurt anyones feelings. Not that I want to hurt feelings now, I'm very cautious of what I say (I was reminded the Fruits of the Spirit should still apply), I'm just not afraid to say it.
I'm proud of myself! I think it's surprised some people, but this is me! I'm not so easy anymore. I'm complicated. Well, maybe I'm a little less complicated because I don't expect people to be able to read my mind, but I can make things complicated because I know I matter. It's so nice to say that - I matter. I do. I'm important. I'm here for a reason - cliche - but it's so true. In the words of Flight of the Conchords, "It's business time."
I've been encouraged and challenged by theses words this past week; "If anyone loves me he will obey my teaching. The Father will love him and we will come to him and make our home with him. He who does not love me does not obey my teaching. The words you hear are not my own, they come from the Father who sent me." John 14:23-24
Sometimes I forget how much I need to love God's word. It's important. I'm not totally fascinated with reading so I guess it's a challenge for me to sit down and read for 3o minutes. My excuse is lame, but arent excuses supposed to be? I should stop having them then. I'm being challenged right now to love God's word and it's really starting to help.
