I miss being a kid. I miss getting away with skipping without the awkward looks that tend to come with it now. I had a rough day today. I've had about 5 or 6 moments where I wanted to fall to the floor and have a tantrum. If I were this little girl, I'd totally get away with it; but I'm not. It's all because of silly school too. I know that if I didn't have to take the same classes over again that I took in elementary school I'd be so excited about school. I love my major, and I'm really excited about becoming a bilingual teacher, but that wait and the frustration makes me think it's not worth it. But it is- it totally is! I think. argh.
"I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers, because I hear of your love and of the faith that you have toward the Lord Jesus and all the saints, and I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ. For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you."
Philemon: 4-7
Paul is such a nice guy and in the past couple weeks I've been reminded that I need to be a nice guy too. When I read these verses for about the 5th time I was finally able to realize that this, Paul, is the kind of friend I need to be.
At Believe weekend all we talked about was putting others first. Then I read Philemon and see how Paul, who is in prison at the time, sheds love and encouragement all over his friend. Tonight at Metro we talked about making relationships with people; real authentic relationships. I stink at relationships! I'm scared of them, mainly because I'm afraid of being hurt, used or forgotten. I've been fearful of relationships ever since my parents got divorced. I just cant trust people easily. I want to, and because of God's consistent reminder of this, I'm going to pursue this friendship thing. I'm going to get rid of the word aquaintance. I'm still terrified though. Inside I want to break down and give up and tell myself that I had a good run but it's time to go back to the couch and think of another way to have real relationships with people, but I know that's not how God wants things at all. He wants me to love like He loves. To share like He shared when He was on this earth. Paul wanted Philemon's testimony to become effective and God wants the same thing for me too. In order for that to happen... I'll need to step it up.
... Like our saying goes at the BSM... "OWN IT"
