I'm glad it's here. I really needed a break from school.
I feel like I prepared too much for my finals. I know that sounds rediculous but after nights of staying up til 4 am and then waking up the next morning throwing up because my nerves and lack of sleep got the best of me proves that I tried to hard. I stayed up late every single night before I had a final. I would get in bed at 2:30 or 3 but I would think and think and think about everything that could go wrong. Everytime I did this I made sure to remind myself that God had control of my college education and if He wanted me to get a B He would make it happen. I didn't trust Him enough. I still would toss and turn and shed tears before I finally let myself fall asleep.
I got the grades I wanted. I'm staying at Texas State. I know that's where God wants me to be. I know it is. But why couldn't I just believe that and let God put me to sleep all of those restless nights? I wanted Him to, I really did but I couldn't look past myself.
I've struggled with trust for the longest time and I still do today. I distrust God the most. I want that to change. I've taken step after step in order to make that happen but satan steps in and something goes wrong with my family or with myself and I loose my focus. I'm the worst at gettting distracted too. Even when I pray.
I was able to focus so hard on my school work and remember all that I needed to and apply it. I've learned so much about who God really is and what He thinks about me, but I fail at applying it.
Maybe I need to take a "How to be more dependent on God" class. I'm willing to take it from anyone that knows how.
